


desperate

by quietdays



Category: SEVENTEEN (Band)
Genre: M/M, for someone who hates sadness so much i write a lot of unrequited stories huh
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-02-26
Updated: 2018-02-26
Packaged: 2019-03-24 04:33:50
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 385
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13803492
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/quietdays/pseuds/quietdays
Summary: (but how can he reject when he doesn't know? when chan does not do anything but watch from the sidelines, too scared to take the first step. too scared to close the distance between leader and member to lover and lover.lee chan you are a fool.)





	desperate

**Author's Note:**

> blame eliza
> 
> i literally dont know how to fucking title my works is it showing

soonyoung is too far away sometimes, too bright. he is so near yet he is scared to actually reach out and grasp him lest he be burned.

it hurts too much to look at him straight in the eyes but what is chan but a masochist? looking at him even if it hurts too much (but it hurts too good and when has things that feel good ever be actually good for him? still it's practically instinctual for him to search out for him, to seek him.

he wants to cry. he has been so consumed by him that it's no longer funny anymore. so utterly burned that nothing can cool him down, nothing can bring him down from loving kwon soonyoung. and he knows he knows it'll never be reciprocated, with how kwon soonyoung looks at him like a child and not a man and damn it kwon soonyoung! can you not see?

are you blind?

he loves you so much. too much.)

(just end his misery kwon soonyoung. reject him.)

(but how can he reject when he doesn't know? when chan does not do anything but watch from the sidelines, too scared to take the first step. too scared to close the distance between leader and member to lover and lover.

lee chan you are a fool.)

he is far. too far. and lee chan convinces himself that it's okay. that all the fanservice is enough for him to get through the night. that just staring at his eyes, lips, nose and body is enough for him. that touching him only because the dance and stage calls for it is enough. he's okay with the scrap pieces he is being fed. and some days he starts to believe that.

and maybe the flaw is that he loves too much for someone he can never have. and that is why he will only forever be in their shared room, desperately searching for release with soonyoung's soft snores as his backing music. this is a dance that he will always do alone, the thought of soonyoung joining him?

impossible.

but he can dream. he'd always regret the aftermath, when he realizes he just jerked off to his leader while he's sleeping in the room but for now he is just lee chan, desperate to burn.

**Author's Note:**

> im gonna continue this
> 
> but after i reach the a certain arc in eldritch sjdhfjfjfjfkdkdkf ;; - ;;


End file.
